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That's right, we have a page dedicated to Dad Jokes. 

Life is short.  While you're here why not have a laugh and enjoy these specially curated Dad Jokes!

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Don’t trust atoms. They make up everything!

When does a joke become a dad joke? When it becomes apparent.

I used to hate facial hair…but then it grew on me.

What do you call a bear without any teeth? A gummy bear!

What happens if a frog parks illegally? They get toad.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

I’ve got a great pizza joke for you. Nevermind, it’s too cheesy.

I asked my dad if he could put the cat out. He replied, “I didn’t know it was on fire.”


I fear for the calendar. Its days are numbered.

Did you hear about the guy who had his left side cut off? He's all right now!

If a child refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?

Why are cats bad storytellers? Because they only have one tale.

Want to hear a joke about construction? I’m still working on it.

Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed.

I told my son I’m named after Thomas Jefferson. He says, But dad, your name is Brian. I respond, I know, but I was named AFTER Thomas Jefferson.

Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food colouring. The doctor says i'm ok, but i feel like i've dyed a little inside.

What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator! 

A furniture store keeps calling me. All I wanted was one night stand.

Daughter: “Daddy, why didn’t I get a sunburn?” Dad: “You can’t, honey?” Daughter: “Really?” Dad: “You can only get a daughterburn.” 

A termite walks into a bar and asks, “Is the bar tender here?”

I like telling Dad jokes. Sometimes he laughs!

Does anyone need an ark? I Noah guy!

Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.

How do you get a squirrel to like you? Act like a nut.

Most comedians are good, trustworthy people. Yep, they’re a bunch of stand-up guys.

How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.

Did you hear the story about the haunted lift? It really raised my spirits!

Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.

Do you think glass coffins will be a success? Remains to be seen.

To the man in the wheelchair that stole my camouflage jacket… You can hide but you can’t run.

How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles.

Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head.

Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired.

This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in.

What did the late tomato say to the other tomatoes? Don't worry i'll ketchup.

What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? Supplies!!

Wanna hear a joke about paper? Never mind—it’s tearable.

I stayed up all night wondering where the sun had gone. And then it dawned on me.

Why can’t a nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot.

What concert costs just 45 cents? 50 Cent featuring Nickelback!

What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeno business!

“Why did the Clydesdale give the pony a glass of water? Because he was a little horse.”

Did you hear that new band Plastic? They mostly wrap.

What did the mountain climber name his son? Cliff.

What did the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two!

Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use a honeycomb.

Why don’t oysters share their pearls? Because they’re shellfish.

Why don’t skeletons ever go trick or treating? Because they have no body to go with.

Did you hear about the chameleon who couldn’t change colour? He had a reptile dysfunction.

Can February March? No, but April May!

“Sorry, I was all up in your grill about cooking yesterday.” —Bob Belcher, Bob’s Burgers

What’s black and white and goes around and around? A penguin in a revolving door.

What’s brown and sticky? A stick.


What does a zombie vegetarian eat? “GRRRAAAIINS!”

What did the grape do when he got stepped on? He let out a little wine.

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: “Does this taste funny to you?”

I’ve never gone to a gun range before. I decided to give it a shot!

How do you make a Kleenex dance? Put a little boogie in it.

What’s the best way to watch a fly fishing tournament? Live stream.

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

A nurse told me, “Sorry for the wait!” I replied, “It’s alright, I’m patient.” 

I dreamt about drowing in an ocean made of orange soda last night. It took me a while to work out it was just a Fanta Sea.

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